It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 98 SUTHERN EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside the South.  If you have one of these, you may need some help understanding the commands.  The southern edition may be recognized by the unique opening screen.  It reads "WINDERS 98" with a background picture of General Robert E. Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag.  It is shipped with a Dukes of Hazard screen saver.

Also note:

a..  The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse"

b.. My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption"

c.. Dial up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys"

d.. Control Panel is known as the "The Dashboard"

e.. Hard Drive is referred to as "4 Wheel Drive"

f.. Floppies are "them little ol plastic disc thangs"

g.. Instead of an error message a "garbage bag and roll of duct tape" pops up

More Language Information for Winders98-Suthurn Version:

A..LOG ON: Making a wood stove hot

B..LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood

C..MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the wood stove

D..DOWN LOAD: Gitten the farwood off'n the truck

E..MEGA HERTZ: When yer not keerfull gittin the farwood

F..FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from trying to tote too much farwood

G..RAM: That thar thang what splits the farwood

H..HARD DRIVE: Gittin home in the winter time

I..WINDOWS: Whut to shut when its cold outside

J..SCREEN: Whut to shut when its blak fly season

K..BYTE: Whut dem dang flys do

L..CHIP: Munchies fer the TV

M..MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the botton of the munchie bag

N..MODEM: Whatcha do to the hay fields

O..DOT MATRIX: Ole Dan Matrix's wife

P..LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps

Q..KEYBOARD: Whar you hang the dang truck keys

R..SOFTWARE: Dem dang forks and knifes

S..MOUSE: what eats the grain in the barn

T..MOUSE PAD: that's hippie talk fer the mouse hole

U..MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof

V..PORT: Fancy flatlander wine

W..ENTER: Notherner talk fer "C'Mon in y'all"

X..CLICK: Whut you hear when you cock yer gun

Y..DOUBLE CLICK: When the dang gun don't far when you pull the trigger

Z..REBOOT: Whut you have to do right before bedtime when you forgot that the cat is still outside


a.. OK: ats aw-right

b.. Cancel: piss on it

c.. Reset: try er agin

d.. Yes: yep

e.. No: noop

f.. Find: hunt fer it

g.. Go to: over yonder

h.. Back: back yonder

i.. Help: hep me out here

j.. Stop: kwitit

k.. Start: crank er up

l.. Settings: sittins

m.. Programs: stuff at duz stuff

n.. Documents: stuff ah done did

Also note that SUTHERN EDITION does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks. Some programs that are exclusive to Winders 98:

a.. tiperiter: A word processing program

b.. colerin book: a graphics program

c.. cyferin mersheen: calculator

d.. outhouse paper: notepad

e.. jukebox: CD Player

f.. iner-net: Microsoft Explorer 4.0

g.. pichers: A graphics viewer

h.. irs: MS accounting software

i.. irs2: MS accounting software with hidden files

j.. tax records: usually an empty file

k.. coon dog: American kennel club records

You'll recognize WINDERS 98 SUTHERN EDITION as it comes preloaded with certain "Favorites" for browsing the Worldwide Web:

a.. Fishin': Bass Anglers Sportsman Society

b.. NRA: National Rifle Association

c.. Shotgun: Remington Arms home page

d.. Riffel: Winchester home page

e.. Pisstul: Smith & Wesson home page

f.. Truck: Ford & Chevy dealers by zip code

g.. House: Mobile home repair services & movers by zip code

h.. Cuzzins: Complete database of southern residents (extremely long download time)

i.. Bud: List of Budweiser distributors by zip code

j.. Rasin: NASCAR racing schedule with TV stations that carry the race

k.. Car'n'truck parts: Junk yards by zip code

l.. doc: veterinarians by zip code

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the SUTHERN EDITION.  You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

I hope this heps y'all out!

Billy Bob Gates

Head Honcho, MS Sutherin Division

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